you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize