I'm so fucking centered right now
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
