my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
