New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
