Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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