wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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