im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
