Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
