Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
