My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
