I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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