god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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