I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
