if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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