census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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