If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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