Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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