hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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