Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
