Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
