That's intense
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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