i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
