Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
