I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
