Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
