i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
