The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My balls are so social today.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
