I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
