Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
