please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
