You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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