Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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