It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
