Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Houston, we have a blender
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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