my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize