His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
