I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
