Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
