their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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