Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
