dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
