but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
