I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Pants are for mortals
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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