I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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