So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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