dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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