I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
