I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
