why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
