if i died would you start the facebook group?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
