I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm both gender and math confused
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
