omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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