im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
