Your face is a jimmy john
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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