don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
