I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
