Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
