i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We're too hungover to prance.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
