i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
