I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
