She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
