I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
When are your genitals available?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
