You just made me feel so damn special
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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