I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
