meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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