every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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