Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
