the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
