i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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