I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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