just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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