I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
