i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
