She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
And then he peed in my hair
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